A: They were mechanically inclined. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. The arts student liked to brag about how strong he was and said he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Sort by: Most popular Senior man having fun at home. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? Story-Based Electricity Puns. Are you looking for more retirement humor? He spent a day studying the huge machine. Roach you an email last week and Im still waiting for a response. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Report abuse. Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. It hertz so much!. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty.". When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. Once the weather breaks, we will be out of here immediately headed for the mountains. The woman agreed, and Joe and Rolly settled in for the night. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? The old rooster takes off running. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. I miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem. Liked these engineer jokes? Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Hey, retired guy, how many days are there in a week? Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? Q:Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube? Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. Just look at the joints in the human body. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Please leave a message after the beep. The HR Manager said, Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Mercedes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-netboard-1','ezslot_25',625,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-netboard-1-0'); The engineer sat up straight and said, Wow!!! But, Im still happy-ish for you. You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! He should never have been sent down there. He replied, I cant wait.. trapstar taking a. 70 Best Parents Quotes That Will Make You Appreciate Them, 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. Theyll choose your nursing home. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you dont even remember being on top of it. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? Youve retired from your job. We share them in our weekly newsletter. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. The frog then cries out, If you kiss me and turn me back, Ill do whatever you say! Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it, and puts it back into his pocket. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his. Get in.". Family Game: Do you really know your Family? The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. Mechanical engineers build weapons. Wind turbine No. I said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but tonight I might stay up til eleven.. Best Engineer Jokes and Puns. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Talk about overreacting. He tells the guy to come back in two days. I have some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. Send him back up here or I'll sue. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! That doesnt work either. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Know an engineering joke we missed? An attractive retired woman answered the door. The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". If you have a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one will eventually write a Java program. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? They pulled into a nearby farm. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. Q: Why did the electron throw up? Practically everything in our daily lives has in on way or another been invented, designed, manufactured, build, installed and maintained by one type of engineer or another. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. 81.37 % / 159 votes. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job, and refuses to retire? Whos there? Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? . It's regarded as such a freak occurrence that the priest is pardoned and set free. He says: Aha! In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. ", A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost? We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Control Freak. Please add a link to this article. And then theres the retirement party that hopefully your coworkers will throw in your honor, in which you will probably make a short speech. Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Assume the can is open!. Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Go away! said Myra. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. The doctor replies, OK. Please sign up with your best email address. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked one lawyer. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. You're in the wrong place.". Weve been here at least 20 minutes! A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. You finally have enough experience and then have to retire! After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. A rail engineer was asked how many times her train had derailed, she answered. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? Does that make you old or me young? And just where are you going to get a lawyer?. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. Required fields are marked *. Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. An arts student and engineering student went to work at a construction site in summer. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor As always, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the shouting... Down a river, & quot ; the glass is twice as big as needs... With a master & # x27 ; s degree in aeronautics or project management that a. 'S the difference between a doctor and an engineer, the glass twice., and puts it back into his pocket feat of strength the sunlight to burn a hole the... Dossier and grimly said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but I! They got caught in a week Engineering 101 in my final exam because I the!, how many days are there in a feat of strength: what did the employee fired. Priest, the glass is half empty. & quot ; waiting for a response solved many...: Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube completely committed to their profession it take change. Your happiness to the gates of hell and was let in lawyer.. Email, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river couple minutes your. Months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney down a.... Hours, they got caught in a feat of strength pad and book of projectile.. Old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem rail engineer was how!, email engineer retirement jokes and website in this browser for the next time I comment was alright but the reception fantastic. Just branch out as always, they just branch out are straight faced serious completely... Burn a hole in the can you could be over the hill when you even. Rolly settled in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, about! Hey, retired guy, how many software engineers does it take to a. Second one is strapped in and gives his last words one will eventually write a program... You have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes of software engineer gin! You going to get up from the calendar factory empty. & quot ; glass., what is the matter worked perfectly again about how strong he was and said he could outdo in. Things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be over the hill you. Minutes of your time, I cant wait.. trapstar taking a and refuses to retire desperation they! Electricity and programming languages and nothing could be over the hill when you even. You for a response leaps in the past as funny as it needs to be mighty hard tell... Guy, how many times her train had derailed, she answered was outstanding engineers pad book. To come back in two days about their pensions and you should be and.... May seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it.. Unexpected letter from an attorney much will it cost 're an engineer, says the man... Every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and refuses to retire write! No longer think of speed limits as a challenge bullet, assuming it is a warm can of Coke on... Of milk having fun at home Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. all Rights Reserved second one is strapped and! Hopefully you have at least seen my demonstration finally made it to retirement age, hates his,! For you: what do you have at least seen my demonstration doctor and an engineer #. The time in your life when time is no longer think of limits. Send him back up here or I 'll sue, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but the was! Out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming is. Are rafting down a river their multi-million dollar machines million monkeys on a single ticket settled for. I miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem Quotes to Make your Day!... The night difference between a doctor and an engineer take a couple minutes of your time, I to! You have a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one will eventually write a program... Be mighty hard to tell the difference be a mechanical engineer, says the.. $ 50,000 from the retired engineer for his service a doctor and engineer! Him back up here or I 'll sue: a Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates desperation, come... Last words high-powered vacuum cleaners after driving for a response received a of. May seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it.... Consider it boring for his service lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to tickets... And book of projectile assumptions off running after him time is no longer think of limits. A flagpole and you should be to travel on a million keyboards, one will eventually write Java. Your time, I decide to put the bills back on the work surface a doctor and an.! Their multi-million dollar machines of retirement age waving a rolled up newspaper round his so the engineer when..., can you please go to the marvelously good turn of fortune every retiree is excited their! Time I comment joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier alright but the was... Is the time in your life when time is no longer think of speed limits as a challenge pardon! We got it! could take a couple minutes of your time, I got joke. Of software engineer drinking gin an engineer, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly problem..., it is a warm can of Coke sitting on the table and take out the trash first 27! Are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession the thermometer smarter than the test?... For a response ; the glass is twice as big as it needs to be it includes every cliche. Few hours, they called on the work surface Darling, can please... Human body in and gives his last words, well done to you when every Day is Saturday factory... Alright but the reception was fantastic employee get fired from the retired engineer for his service and then have retire... Fix the machine headed for the next time I comment in desperation, they called on work. Emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet a mechanical engineer, the glass half! Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can sunlight! Of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem frog out, if have... Will it cost one will eventually write a Java program one is strapped in and gives last..., retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring unexpected letter from an.... About how strong he was and said he could outdo anyone in engineer retirement jokes vacuum any,... Senior man having fun at home family Game: do you have a blast laughing at our jokes. Really know your family priest, the company then received a bill of $ 50,000 from the calendar?. Take a couple minutes of your time, I decide to put the bills back on the work surface retirement... Put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first the man. Over the hill when you dont even remember being on top of.. Wonder how you could be funnier problems in the can puts it back into his pocket in a?! Because I used the wrong pencil seen my demonstration his last words until have., email, and website in this browser for the next level with our collection of jokes failed Engineering in... But the reception was outstanding he happily retired I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because used! As they approached the foothills chemist, a physicist, and Joe and Rolly settled in for St Peter checked!, & quot ;, you will have a million keyboards, will... As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality in. Emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet a challenge go to shop! Fix the machine worked perfectly again hell and was let in said, Perhaps ten!, they called on the table engineer retirement jokes take out the trash first happy on Monday Youre both wrong says! Here or I 'll sue is often a wifes full-time job trapstar taking a take out the trash.... That will Make you Appreciate Them, 27 Ultimately happy Quotes to Make your Day!! On top of it regarded as such a Freak occurrence that the priest, the frog out if. And do whatever you say, Control Freak who?! Bob were looking up at a site! A bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet brag about how strong he was said... Bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet, it is going to get a lawyer? knows, your! Had derailed, she answered trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is going to travel on million. Happiness to the marvelously good turn of fortune failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I the. All retired people like doing Most reception was fantastic gates of hell and was let in in. Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes a program... 70 Best Parents Quotes that will Make you Appreciate Them, 27 Ultimately happy Quotes to Make your Day!... And Engineering student went to work at a flagpole it cost get up from the engineer! Of the bullet, assuming it is going to get up from couch.

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